‘Daughters’ directors on the complex bond between men behind bars and their daughters

The relationship between fathers and daughters can play a crucial role in a young girl’s life. But what if the fathers are behind bars? A new documentary, “Daughters,” follows four girls and their fathers preparing for a daddy-daughter dance in the Washington, D.C. jail and how the event affects them in the years after. Directors Natalie Rae and Angela Patton join John Yang to discuss.
John Yang:
The relationship between fathers and daughters can play a crucial role in a young girl’s life. To strengthen that bond for black girls, an organization called Girls for a Change, stages date with dad, weekends, they include a daddy-daughter dance, but what if the father’s behind bars? Well, they just take the dance to them.
A new documentary follows four girls and their fathers preparing for a daddy-daughter dance in the Washington, DC jail. It also looks at how the event affects them in the years afterward. It’s called “Daughters.” It’s now on Netflix. The directors are Natalie Rae and Angela Patton, who is also CEO of Girls for a Change.
Natalie, I read somewhere this was a project eight years in the making. What drew you to this?
Natalie Rae, Co-Director, “Daughters”: So many things. I mean, the power of this story is so moving and incredible, the wisdom of the girls, the way that girls can change the world if we just listen to them and create space for them. This is a profound example of that our importance to our fathers as we grow up as young women, that relationship does impact what we pull into our lives, what we think about ourselves, what we know love to be.
So this film and this story really touched on everything that has been important to me as a filmmaker up until now.
John Yang:
And Angela, as the title suggests, this really is told through the girls’ eyes and from their perspective. Why was it important to do that?
Angela Patton, Co-Director, “Daughters”: Well, I was just champion to actually be the advocate for these girls wildest dreams. They did not believe that because the father was locked behind bars, that he should be locked out of the lives and the upbringing of their daughters and they, you know, were their greatest ambassadors. And wrote this letter to the sheriff and asked for what they felt like they needed in their community, in their homes, in their heart, and so that’s why it’s named or type daughters, is because we are actually just allowing the girls to lead the process.
John Yang:
One of the things in the film is that the fathers to qualify for going to this daddy-daughter dance go through with 10 weeks talking to each other, talking with a with a leader, about fatherhood, about their lives, their relationship with their daughters. Let’s take a look at this clip.
Man:
Part of the reasoning behind us doing this work is because you guys the golden opportunity to see your children to interface with them, to see your daughters and spend time with them. But I’m going to be very honest with you guys, it’s going to be an emotional roller coaster, because you’re going to be on a high when that dance happens, and as that clock ticks closer to the ending, time, you can go through your own range of emotions.
John Yang:
Natalie, talk about what it was like in that room.
Natalie Rae:
I would always — I would stay out of the room. I really we Angela and I both gave the fathers the space to work with Chad, anyone that was in the room, like our cinematographer also was a father, also experienced incarceration in his family, so was able to also join the circle and talk about what he’d been through.
So I think protecting that space was really important to allowing everyone to open up and to go through the work with Chad, but it was beautiful to see how quickly these fathers wanted to talk and that this was a very rare opportunity to bond about their children and talk about their own childhood and potentially their own you know, fatherhood wounds.
John Yang:
Natalie, you never say in the film why these men are behind bars. I assume that was intentional.
Natalie Rae:
Yeah, this film is from the daughter’s perspective. And if you are a child of an incarcerated parent, you’re innocent, and that opportunity for love and a parent shouldn’t be taken away from you. And we wanted to honor and be true to that, and really just experience these relationships, this, you know, love story with the fathers and daughters.
John Yang:
We also see a lot of the mothers of these young girls, although once the dance begins, they can’t go in and Angela, we have a clip of you talking to the mothers.
Woman:
We’re here for you and your daughters. We love you and we celebrate you. Forgiving is one of the hardest things for us to do as humans, and so I am clear that this is probably one of the hardest decisions that you moms had to make today. So moms, thank you for getting out of the way.
When you go to this dance, what are you looking forward to?
Woman:
Honesty.
Woman:
Honestly.
Woman:
And bonding.
Woman:
And that’s hard for someone to tell you, you’re in the way when you’re the one showing up every day, doing all the work.
John Yang:
Angela showing up every day, doing all the work. How difficult is it for mothers to build up to this and then just sort of send their daughters in and go off somewhere else?
Angela Patton:
So the goal here is to make sure that they’re not left out. What we understand in doing this work is this family bonding, family unification, strengthening everyone. We understand that there is disappointment, heartache, anger, and how we need to address that is by creating a safe embrace space for the mothers as well.
What they are doing that is the greatest part of this is letting go and allowing that girl to now form this relationship that is necessary between the daughter and her father and the mother tends to understand that and support that, and that’s the end goal.
John Yang:
Natalie, there’s a lot of raw emotion in this film, a very intimate look at both the young girls and their fathers. Were you surprised by the openness?
Natalie Rae:
I was really moved by how much the girls wanted to share, and really the film took on their spirit very quickly in some of the earliest interviews, you know, you have Santana being like, I want to keep talking. I’ve got more to say. She talks for three hours and then wants to turn the interview around and ask me some questions.
So, these girls really wanted to open up. They had a lot to say, a lot to share, and that was really eye opening and beautiful to be a part of.
John Yang:
Another feature of this film is that you followed these girls and their fathers for three years after the dance you show the conversations, and Angela, what struck me is how these young women were sort of laying down the law to their fathers. There’s one who says, you have a job. Are you changing? Talk about this power of wanting to be with their daughters. What does that do to these men?
Angela Patton:
Oh, it changes them. They family, have this moment of vulnerability, of honesty and trust that most of them have not had. It’s not, you know, typical for them to kind of get together and do this, this work of self-awareness first. You know, accountability, being responsible, and then also becoming an active listener.
So when they ask me, why is the dance, not only just the dance, but it’s dinner too, is because we know some of the richest conversations can happen at the table when you’re breaking bread with your family. So we’re just bringing back what is not what I would say old school, it’s the right school, and that’s family first.
John Yang:
Angela Patton and Natalie Rae. Thank you both very, very much.
Natalie Rae:
Thank you very much for having us.
Angela Patton:
Thank you for having today.